US(Americanas) - fe(r)m(m)(é)e

 "I write for myself and strangers." (Gertrude Stein) 

This quote by one of the cultural heroes of my adolescence who was marginalized for the longest time until after WWI she suddenly wasn't, speaks volumes about any creator's dilemmas. 

Having worked on the choreography of the dance I published yesterday was slow and irregular enough. There is still almost too much that this dance still needs to grow, especially in performance and with me if I am to be the performer. (and it seems like the singer-songwriter model remains my best possible option for the time being) 

Unlike Emily Dickinson, another writer who had been a heroine of my adolescence, I have realized that I am not satisfied to just let the work accumulate in my drawers until perhaps someone else discovers them and even has the guts to publish them the way they were meant to be. 

There is the counter-example of Julius Eastman who was kicked out of his New York City apartment and lost almost his entire archives. No matter how present-day people (culture vultures!) try to revisit or revive and hype his work. (and themselves in the course of it) his potential remains vastly under-understood. 

Perhaps not a bad thing to think about on a day of International Strike by people identifying as women, since all of the above artists were more or less openly queer, gay, non-heterosexual. (So was apparently Hilma Af Klimt) 

Concretely, if I should die all of a suddent, there is no one at present who will take over or even have the means to continue. The potential of what I have to offer is here and now, and always has been. It is not somebody else's job to do it for me, at best others can work in partially similar or supportive directions. But not the way I can, and not with the particular understanding that I have. This is obviously the same for all of my contemporaries as well. 

Either way, here, for better or worse is the dance as far as I could perform it yesterday. 
If the controls don't work, you can also watch it directly on Vimeo here. 

 

By comparison, the Grover-Ligeti recording has no such problems of emotions, re/presentation, re-enactment, actions, etc. Consequently, my presence comes over as much more 'true' and 'authentic.