zen-e? : the beach, in line, three

this week I got to try the first two scores with non-professional dancers age group 55+ in Rotterdam. working with and controlling flow, from open and free to condensed and in full and close control, seems to be a choreographic concern of creating tension/movement in space with a group of dancers/movers as well as physically with a single body. 

i keep perceiving music in such terms, as abstracted physical human-body (character) movement, with·in the kinds of musical languages (e.g. https://www.wassilykandinsky.net/work-50.php )

 

US(Americanas) - fe(r)m(m)(é)e

 "I write for myself and strangers." (Gertrude Stein) 

This quote by one of the cultural heroes of my adolescence who was marginalized for the longest time until after WWI she suddenly wasn't, speaks volumes about any creator's dilemmas. 

Having worked on the choreography of the dance I published yesterday was slow and irregular enough. There is still almost too much that this dance still needs to grow, especially in performance and with me if I am to be the performer. (and it seems like the singer-songwriter model remains my best possible option for the time being) 

Unlike Emily Dickinson, another writer who had been a heroine of my adolescence, I have realized that I am not satisfied to just let the work accumulate in my drawers until perhaps someone else discovers them and even has the guts to publish them the way they were meant to be. 

There is the counter-example of Julius Eastman who was kicked out of his New York City apartment and lost almost his entire archives. No matter how present-day people (culture vultures!) try to revisit or revive and hype his work. (and themselves in the course of it) his potential remains vastly under-understood. 

Perhaps not a bad thing to think about on a day of International Strike by people identifying as women, since all of the above artists were more or less openly queer, gay, non-heterosexual. (So was apparently Hilma Af Klint) 

Concretely, if I should die all of a suddent, there is no one at present who will take over or even have the means to continue. The potential of what I have to offer is here and now, and always has been. It is not somebody else's job to do it for me, at best others can work in partially similar or supportive directions. But not the way I can, and not with the particular understanding that I have. This is obviously the same for all of my contemporaries as well, who equally do and understand their own work. 

Either way, here, for better or worse is the dance as far as I could perform it yesterday.  If the controls don't work, you can also watch it directly on Vimeo here. 

 

PS: by comparison, the video-recording of working with the étude mode de valeurs et d'intensités by Olivier Messiaen has no such problems of emotions, re/presentation, re-enactment, actions, etc. (= a different embodiment) Consequently, my presence comes over as much more 'true' and 'authentic, even tough dance-technically, again, a whole lot needs to be done. 

EDGE (2000/2001)

revisiting this piece from 2000-2001 is a very good reminder. 

I had just turned 29, finally gotten to EDDC which had been a bridge too far back in 1992. the guest study was made financially possible because of a temporary government assistance program for artists living in the Netherlands. that kind of support and recognition meant the world for me, helped in the struggles with family who did what they could to be supportive but were still very much struggling to accept it all. 

being on edge, moving on edge, out of the safe but rather immobile comfort zone, into the present and danger, was very tantalizing for someone with the generational trauma of parents and grandparents (Hungarian refugees during and after both world wars) but it was also a Hic Rhodos Hic Salta opportunity, in the here and now, as imperfect, overcomplex and as under-rehearsed as it was.

the struggle I had with personal expression as very real, the blockage in my rib-cage ( "don't speak, don't feel yourself in the presence of others" ) was still very, very much active.

Meg Chang was right in her observation of me when she watched a rehearsal of In Circles back in New York in 1997, even the wide open loft space was still too small for my immense energy and drive, uncontainable. I recognize this drive in everything, and it could also wear out, destroy in the longer term, cut down. ( Ursula K. LeGuin, about "the creator spirit", in The Dispossessed)

here, the piece was epic, the ambitions could have filled an entire evening's performance, but had to be fit into a student performance evening at an institution, with very helpful and supportive colleagues who nonetheless were much younger than me and partly at different stages in their own art production. remember marvelling at how accomplished they all were and how relatively late to the party I felt myself to be. the musical environment, from personal artistic favorites, creating an open-form composition that I would move through, tested the very limited technical possibilities and working with and around it.

I can feel sympathy and solidarity for my younger self, a great deal. the drive has been given space to realize itself ever better, what I had been striving for for decades in part has finally been accomplished. a bit more relaxation, and finding some much needed further realization by being able to finally relax a bit, allow for time to happen, finding trust in the self, which has become more able to exist and express itself and communicate with others more effectively.

and I still keep going towards the edge of what is alive in the moment, as much as I can, as far as possible, but much more successfully and with more ecology in my practice to back up the work. in that sense I am finally catching up with some of my colleagues from back then. quoting an artist-friend, live and learn.

(no, I am not naked, I am wearing a silver-pailleted tanga that I bought in a sex-shop nearby)

as for the result in this VHS-copy of the VHS recording, the moments of helplessness, shortcomings, are just as much a part, the inability as much as the ability and the powerhouse that got much needed affirmation in the right kind of environment, comparable to what I understood Elaine Summers felt when she met and worked with the people who, together with her, later would be referred to as Judson Dance Theater.

i keep wondering these days if I should re-stage this work again, but so much has changed internally. this change would create a distance to the raw need at the time. the shape would be more as I wanted back then. how would I "re-visit" and restage the internal drive from back then? 

PS: this was part B that was not realized during the evening, it took a few years and it was recorded in 2005. The original intention had been to close the piecde with this solo, with the large projection of my handpalm and a rose towards the end. Alas, when the people clapped prematurely I stopped the performance instead of continuing. 

music, a plan for 2026

what does my body want to express without the holding form/lens of a specific piece of music? I have asked this question before. having become better and better over the years with form-u-lat-ing my dance to music, even creating more traditionally "set" choreographies, it may be time to focus on this question even more clearly and with more time and attention. how I am able to express myself personally, communicate (drama? theater?) may be an important component to explore and/or to avoid trappings of ( = becoming the same as music) at the same time. 

2026 here we come

#wintersolstice #stillness 
#reflections #decisions

 

dance, art, human beings, nature as commodity ... (entertainment, distraction, commercial interruption, nothing serious)

 a recent discussion with a lover prompted me to reflect more on my reservations about treating dance, art, human beings as entertainment, nothing serious, palatable, consumable. 

entertainment helps to distract, distance, disperse before closer contact and engagement could happen.

looking around the planet and what the consequences are to this very day, I do believe we must once again re-consider at what price, how far we are willing to go.

a very extreme example, but with the Epstein files in the US of A not so strange at all, most likely not recent or local either.

there is a lot more that can be said.
it is one thing to kill to eat, even to make it delicious and extra nutritious. one cell eating another etc. but the waste and scale make a difference. 

i believe those who will survive the current apocalypse may simply not get the resources to waste very much, on the contrary. (much like European Protestants during the small ice age)

sky stories, "empty sky", sky space - open

these days I have been working intensively on collecting sky-stories and traditions from several more regions and belief systems, very aware how sketchy and singular any such single collection will be. 

stepping out on the balcony I took a moment to allow in the sense of the open late-evening summer sky, the (cirrus?)clouds very light, moving a little faster, while it's getting dark. 

after so many days connected and connecting to the laptop or the phone for communications it was good to have a moment with nothing else happening but clouds moving above me and a wide open sky. 

(I finally understood why on this planet most of us see the sky as blue, plants as green) (link to the video)

the traditional names for sky in Chinese and Japanese both have notions of "space, void" in the characters, and "tall" and "large" 天 空 (link to the entire word) it felt good to have a moment of relative void, especially after so many languages, drawings, assumption-opinions, cultural formations. cultural patterns form so much of what we perceive, even when we attempt to not perceive anything in particular. 

i also learned that there may be a connection between the English word sky and the German word scheu for reticient, withholding, cloaking, eschewing. an interesting relation to the experience of vast void open, space where movement and a sense of freedom, as in flying can happen. 

19 June 2025

there is no need to do everything for everyone else, the right kinds of instigation can be enough for more people to notice more easily, pointers, indices, even if these days an endlessly ongoing stream may seem possible (it isn't there are some very finite resources) if this project helps more of us realize, it will be working. 

the imperfections and shortcomings can inspire how to do better. (alas there remains the power-imbalance of knowledge & understanding versus might-makes-right)  

this working with awareness, may be Elaine Summers' most powerful legacy for us all, the most inclusive and connective, echoing what Dr. Rebecca Loukes has written recently about her Kinetic Awareness practice, the empty space in which something can happen. 

if during your 24 hours of skytime you are noticing the sky, looking at a sky-photo or video, a webcam showing the sky, talk about the sky, notice a weather-report slightly differently, ... then it's skytime 

"the sky is ours all together
consider the wonders of it all!" 

Elaine Summers, 1995

     

www.skytime.org  

skytime NOW

it took me until this afternoon, after yet another nap, to finally realize physically that the 24-hour edition of Skytime by Elaine Summers for her Centennial will begin Sunday next week (!)  

only now can I feel with my body how long it will be until then, how many more days until the moment has come and the sun rises over the Chatham islands of Aotearoa, New Zealand at 8.06h local time which will be 21.21h local time here. 

perhaps this is why my body is preparing so clearly for a marathon, as has been planned.

time to cut corners and face what is still manageable and realistic. 

and get ready for the big day ...  

#skytime #ElaineSummers #ElaineSummersCentennial #SkytimeAYearAndADay